5 Ways to Help Your Child Start Middle School Strong
Middle school has a reputation of being the toughest age for parents. The growing desire for independence and increased importance of social dynamics鈥攃oupled with major hormonal changes鈥攎akes this stage in your child鈥檚 life difficult and confusing.
鈥淭he transition to middle school can be especially challenging for kids,鈥 says Karen Manotas, MD, a child and adolescent psychiatrist at Huntsman Mental Health Institute at the University of Utah. 鈥淚t coincides with a critical stage of development where they are figuring out who they are, their strengths and weaknesses, and where they fit in socially. On top of these social challenges, they must adapt to a new school environment, multiple teachers, and changing classes each period, all while experiencing the hormonal changes of puberty.鈥
However, your child still needs your support and knowledge, even if they say they don鈥檛. Manotas shares five ways you can strike the balance between freedom and guidance as your child navigates middle school.
1. Revise Your Role
As your child enters adolescence, your role in their lives will shift. Think of it as letting them get in the driver鈥檚 seat, while you take the seat beside them as the passenger. You鈥檙e always there, ready to give direction when needed (such as teaching them how to unlock their locker combination), but ultimately, they鈥檝e taken the lead.
鈥淕ranting developmentally appropriate freedoms helps prepare children and teens to navigate the world, handle conflict, make safe decisions, and solve problems on their own, which are essential skills for the transition to adulthood,鈥 Manotas says. 鈥淲hile this can feel scary for parents, it is a crucial part of healthy growth.鈥
2. Be a Good Listener and Communicator
It鈥檚 important that your child understands that they can talk to you about anything鈥攂ig or small鈥攚ithout fear of judgment or punishment. Manotas recommends that parents build a strong foundation of communication with their kids by:
- Listening without interrupting
- Keeping your reactions calm
- Avoiding immediately jumping into lecture mode
If your child has made a decision that is unsafe or unwise, guide them with thoughtful questions so they can come to that conclusion on their own. This will build trust between the two of you, and they are more likely to ask your advice again in the future.
3. Understand the Social Shifts
In middle school, a child鈥檚 social life often takes center stage. But that doesn鈥檛 negate the importance of their home life. As a parent, you can honor their need to navigate these situations on their own while remaining available to guide them toward making smart and safe decisions.
鈥淧arents can stay involved in their child鈥檚 social world by inviting friends over, getting to know their parents, and observing group dynamics,鈥 Manotas says. 鈥淭his offers insight into what the child and their peers are exploring together, and whether certain freedoms are appropriate.鈥
Also, have a conversation about bullying. Let your child know that if they鈥檙e being bullied鈥攐r see it happening to someone else鈥攖hey should tell you or another trusted adult right away. If you learn your child is the one bullying, use your open communication skills to address it. Encourage them to think about how they would feel if someone treated them the same way.
4. Hold Boundaries
Independence is going to look different based on your child鈥檚 age. But having regular check-ins with them about what freedoms they would like to explore can help you negotiate a middle ground and establish boundaries鈥攁nd consequences if those boundaries are crossed.
Set clear boundaries, write them down, and put them in a shared family space, such as on the fridge. This ensures everyone is aware of the expectations and holds them accountable. For example, you could allow your child the freedom to go out with friends on Friday under the condition that they share their location and are home by a designated curfew. If those boundaries are crossed, your child knows that they will temporarily lose the privilege of having that freedom.
5. Model Healthy Behaviors
If you feel that your child is pulling away from you at this age, know that you are still their biggest role model. Setting a good example shows them how you expect them to act. Some healthy behaviors you can model for your child include:
- Having a daily routine
- Prioritizing sleep, nutrition, and moving your body
- Talking about yourself and others kindly
- Having open communication and actively listening to others, including your child
- Asking for help when you need it
- Being mindful of your own screen time
- Setting and holding boundaries
This is a good age to teach your child about free and confidential resources that are available to them when they don鈥檛 feel comfortable coming to you, such as the 988 crisis line or . These resources are staffed with mental health professionals who can help them navigate difficult situations.
Middle school years are hard, but utilizing these five tips can help make them a little smoother for everyone.
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